If you’ve read the latest magazines, you might assume every woman
knows how to masturbate, does it often and without embarrassment. Despite
the most recent media blitz thanks to the popularity of adult sitcoms such
as HBO’s Sex and the City, sexuality research from the Kinsey Institute
indicate as many as 34% of all women have never masturbated. If you are
part of the 1/3 of the female population that is a little apprehensive
about “down there” you aren’t alone.
Historically female masturbation has gotten a bad reputation thanks to
a variety of social forces that shape cultural ideals about sexuality and
womanhood. In Victorian times, a woman caught masturbating might have been
sent to a physician to be treated for nymphomania—a treatment that
including administering sulfuric acid to the offending clitoris! Some religions
forbid masturbation as sinful and what's more, the nonreligious are given
the tacit message that masturbation is a dirty, shameful experience best
avoided by “nice girls.”
Even today, female masturbation is subject to the prevailing ideology about
what’s ok and what isn’t. The weight of social and religious
taboos have certainly stunted the acceptance of masturbation as a legitimate
and healthy form of sexual expression though slowly this is changing. This
change can’t happen soon enough, as far as I am concerned.
Many women discover orgasm through masturbation and may not be able to
achieve orgasm in partnered sex. For others, their orgasms are inconsistent
and less intense in partnered sex. Masturbation can be a wonderful augmentation
to your sexual practices even if you happen to be one of the lucky few
who achieves orgasm effortlessly in partnered sex. Masturbation is, after
all, safe, free, convenient and gratifying.
Enhance the Mood
Vulvas are like roses – every one has its own lovely configuration.
Each woman is different and her body reflects the unique being that she
is in the way she reacts to self-touch. If you feel ready to explore your
body, it would be useful to set up a time when there won’t be any
distractions. That could mean taking a bubble bath behind a locked bathroom
door or it could mean carting the kids to piano practice so you have a
spare hour alone. Either way, it’s best to ensure there won’t
be any interruptions especially if it’s your first time.
Many women enjoy indulging in romance even during solo sensuality. Soft
music, tea light candles and scented incense can mark a special time set
aside to revitalize your body, mind and spirit. If you’d take these
steps just for a relaxing bubble bath, why not include them in masturbation
too? You may find it easier to slip into the mood when you make your environment
warm and inviting – the sort of place that feels right to be nude.
Find a spot that is comfortable for you. Lie back in a tub or drape yourself
on a sofa, chair or bed. It doesn’t matter where, as long as you’re
comfortable. You should take the time to arouse your body. Run your fingertips
across your skin caressing and teasing yourself into awakening. Explore
your curves. Feel the way your pulse starts to race and your breathing
starts to quicken. Try running your nails lightly across your belly, your
breasts, your thighs. Does it give you goosebumps?
Once you are aroused, you might want to use a hand mirror to explore your
vulva. Notice the folds of your inner labia and the color of your clitoris.
Moisten your fingers and part your lips to see the entrance to the vagina.
How do you feel when you look at yourself? If you feel uncomfortable you
might want to spend a little time getting to know the real you. Having
an understanding of your own anatomy is time well spent and it can be very
helpful in describing what you like to a partner.
There are as many ways to masturbate as there are women. Not every technique
will work for you and you should never do anything which doesn’t
feel good. The secret of female masturbation is simply to get in touch
with the pleasure your body can produce. Listen to your body and to explore
what you enjoy. This time is just for you and you should do whatever turns
you on. There is no pressure or judgment – do exactly what pleases
you in the way that it pleases you. Most pleasures will be heightened with
lubrication either from your own body or from a bottle of intimate moisturizer
like Astroglide. Always touch your vulva with wet fingers or toys.
Rolling – There are a number
of ways to manipulate the clitoris. Place your lubricated thumb
and forefinger on either side of the clitoris and roll the flesh
back and forth. Experiment with pressure, direction, speed and
Stroking – Many women enjoy
a simple up and down stroke using the middle finger on the dominant
hand to caress the clitoris and vulva. Others like to circle the
clitoris on the up stroke and penetrate the vagina on the down
stroke. Still others like to trace numbers or letters across the
clitoris and vulva.
Drumming – Many women enjoy
tapping their clitoris in a light rhythmic manner. This personal
percussion builds excitement that can crescendo into an explosive
orgasm for a few. Some women tap the clitoris directly while others
tap just to the side or the top both inside the labia minora and
outside the labia majora.
Water – Water massage is a
highly popular method of masturbation. You can either position
yourself under the tub facet, in front of a Jacuzzi jet or use
a shower head to massage the clitoris and vulva. This type of water
massage was once used as part of a lucrative spa treatment at the
turn of the last century in Saratoga Springs, New York.
Rocking – A number of women
find rhythmically rocking back in forth while seated or squeezing
their thighs together repeatedly can produce an orgasm. Other women
will rock against a solid object such as the arm of a sofa, a pillow
or other some other item.
Multiple Pleasures – Many enjoy
multiple stimulation such as stimulating the clitoris and vagina
at the same time or penetrating the vagina and anus at the same
time or stimulating the clitoris, vagina and anus all at once.
One technique is to use two lubricated fingers to penetrate the
vagina and rub the g-spot while rubbing the clitoris concurrently
with the thumb. Do be aware you can go from vagina to anus with
a finger or object but not from anus to vagina to avoid introducing
bacteria from the anus into the vagina.
Fabrics – Some find fabric
to be deeply erotic and will manipulate cotton panties or sheets
to rub against their clitoris or slide a silk stocking between
their labia to arouse the clitoris. Many women report the feel
of sensual silky clothing against their body is what inspires them
to masturbate in the first place.
Positions – You may find a
change of position offers erotic opportunities. You can masturbate
while lying on your belly, standing against a wall or numerous
other positions that can change the sensation of self pleasure.
Once you’ve found some manual techniques that work well you might want
to explore adding sex toys...
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Once you’ve found some manual techniques that work well you might
want to explore adding sex toys such as vibrators, dildos and erotica.
You can try adding these extras in conjunction with cyber sex, telephone
sex, fantasizing or while reading or watching erotica. You might even find
it enjoyable to try sensation toys like nipple clamps, vibrating panties
or feathers. Be willing to try new things – after all you don’t
have to share this part of your sex life with anyone if you don’t
want to. It’s just for you.
Benefits of Masturbation
Masturbation has many nourishing benefits that can enhance a woman’s
life and her health. Masturbation relieves stress, frustration and tension
which can boost the enjoyment of life, increase one’s overall happiness
and even improve one’s health. Orgasm can strengthen the immune system,
the cardiovascular system and the endocrine system. Increasing blood flow
to the body through sexual arousal can add to your overall vitality and
youthfulness – meaning if you use it, you won’t lose it! Increased
blood flow brings fresh oxygen and healthful hormones to the organs while
removing toxins. Sexually active individuals also appear to live longer
according to one study.
Many menstruating women find masturbation to orgasm relieves cramping.
Regular sexual activity boosts the production of the vital hormones estrogen
and testosterone that fortify bones and muscles. Orgasm reduces “bad” LDL
cholesterol and even helps maintain vaginal elasticity and lubricity. Not
only does masturbation protect your health it can also protect your relationships
through the production of oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone related to social
skills, passion, and personality. Stable levels of this essential hormone
increase your ability to maintain strong social bonds and intimate relationships.
Masturbation lets you enjoy as much pleasure as you want as often as you
want. One never need fear disease, pregnancy or unpleasant emotional consequences
from masturbating. Masturbation can easily fit into any schedule and isn’t
dependent on another person being present. It also doesn’t limit
your orgasms based on a partner and masturbation lets you explore your
fantasies without judgment.
Masturbation also lets you be the center of all sexual pleasure and your
timing, intensity and mood are perfectly in sync with you – unlike
partnered sex. It can produce deeper and more satisfying orgasms than partnered
sex for many women. Masturbation can also serve as an early warning system
in genital health. Masturbation even acts as a terrific cure for insomnia.
Finally masturbation is a great way to improve partnered sex because it
enhances your self knowledge about what really excites you.
Selected Books on Female Masturbation:
-Sex For One: The Joy of Self Loving by Betty Dodson
-For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie G. Barbach
-Tickle Your Kitty: A Guide to Female Masturbation by Sadie Alison
Selected Web Sites Focused on Female Masturbation:
-BettyDodson.com – a site dedicated to sex with a special focus on
-Clitical.com – a site dedicated to the clitoris and female masturbation.
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